I’ve got a lot to learn. Can I admit something? My thought process has the pre-supposition that I am always right, or maybe that I am at least the most capable person given any situation. Even my recognition that someone possesses better skill in a certain area is enough for me to pat myself on the back (i.e. “I am so good at delegating to the most capable person, good job Josh”). I’ve been trying to figure out the fine line between confidence and humility ever since I was first disciplined for disrespectful statements that I made to my parents as a child. Condemnation isn’t the feeling that I have for my pride and superiority complex; I mean look at what I have found in my faith in Jesus Christ:
“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1
People have called me abrasive just because I have strong opinions that I fight for. I have alienated some with an over-the-top passion that I feel for certain subjects. Many have experienced annoyance at the nuanced ways that I dissect every statement that they make. The temptation for me whenever I receive these responses from people is to shut down and to feel misunderstood; sometimes I become passive for fear of these responses.
My admission in paragraph 1 hopefully has disarmed any that would think that I have zero self-awareness and am unwilling to stop being arrogant. I just want to be me; I just want people to appreciate me in all of my sincerity. However, I am not a child who needs someone to give me a pacifier ever time that I start fussing. I must learn wisdom and I must learn to discern the times and places for certain opinions, arguments, and discussions. To love one in any relationship is to give effort in discerning their greatest need and to respond appropriately. There is a time to “be me” and a time not to “be me”…
A Time for Everything
3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace. [1]
[1] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton: Standard Bible Society, 2001), Ec 3:1–8.
Joshua Kirby 
Very discerning and wise.
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I really like this, Josh. I find there really is also a very fine line between the time to be me and not be me. There’s still a lot of me that is driven by the fleshly me…that’s the stuff I work daily with Jesus to discard. I long for the day that all of “me” feels like Jesus, not Annie…when the only “me” that comes out to play is the one that is marked only by Jesus Christ. Thanks for sharing your heart. It ministered to me today. And i shall pray for you specifically.
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